It’s every parent’s nightmare to find out your teen is being bullied but it’s equally as stressful to find out your teen is the bully. As parents, you have the responsibility to make sure your teen isn’t abusing their peers. However, despite your best efforts, your teens may still become bullies.
Contrary to popular belief, simply instilling kindness in your teens may not be enough. According to a Harvard University project, entitled “Making Caring Common”, nearly 80% of kids said their parents taught them that personal happiness and high achievement were more important than caring for people.
To ensure you don’t raise bullies, you need to incorporate the following parenting tips into your life.
Most parents don’t actively engage with their teens. Active engagement with your teen goes beyond supervising; you need to interact with them at a personal level to know who they are really are. This requires time, interest and dedication on your part.
Take them out for ice cream or pizza and spend some quality time without letting other distractions interrupt. When teens are happy, they are more likely to open up and share the details of their life with you.
These One Hundred Questions suggested by a Care.com user can really help you learn more about your teens.
According to Janet Lehman from EmpoweringParents.com, kids aren’t born with the inherent ability to respect others. In fact, they learn to manipulate the world around them to get what they want. Therefore, the onus is on the parents to teach their them how to respect others. As parents, you need to teach your kids:
Regardless of your teaching, your kids might be disrespectful to people – and as parents, you need to catch that early and correct them with respect. Learn more about how to to change the attitude of your teens with regards to respecting others.
While many parents see sibling fighting during childhood as a normal occurrence, the nature and frequency of sibling aggression can have serious consequences. For parents who don’t spend a lot of time with their teens, it is difficult to differentiate between sibling fighting and bullying. According to Joe Magliano from Psychology Today, parents need to read the early signs when their teens’ behavior is bordering on bullying.
Here’s what you can do address the growing sibling bullying and stop it from getting worse.
Teens tend to pick up the negative traits easily, especially from their peers, either in school or the neighborhood. As parents, you need to see who they’re friends with and how it affects their choices. In general, guiding your teens about their choice of friends is a very tricky affair. You need to be respectful and not question their choices outright.
Learn about their friends – you can invite them to family events or offer to carpool. In this great guide, Valerie Frankel from GoodHousekeeping.com, tells you how to deal with your kid when they buddy up with an unruly child.
Bullies lack empathy, so it’s essential that you foster empathy in your teens. Sympathetic teens are less likely to develop into bullies. More importantly, you need to exercise empathy while dealing with your teens in difficult situations – modelling empathy is the best way to inspire your teens to be empathic.
According to researchers from Harvard study on bullying, many parents and teachers tend to pass the buck and put the onus on the kids alone. When adults refuse to walk the talk, it sends mixed messages to children. Teens look up to their role models and mimic their behavior. Researchers say parents should learn how to acknowledge their own mistakes and listen to their teens, acting as an example of good behavior.
One of the major difference between adults and teens is their ability to process destructive emotions such as anger, shame and envy. In fact, these are the emotions that hinder the ability of your teen to be kind and empathetic. Parents should teach their teens that these negative emotions are normal and they can be handled in a healthy way. When your teens understand this and weigh the potential consequences of their harmful actions, they can better manage these emotions and curb their tendency to be bullies.
Every parent wants their teen to be happy and successful but occasionally, they end up fostering an aggressive attitude and raise a bully. As parents, you need to see whether your drive to see your teen succeed turns them into a bully who is bereft of any empathy. It could be time to rethink your parenting strategy.
Teens look up to their role models and mimic their behavior.
Echo Editor January 21st, 2020
For many teens, deciding on a career is fraught with uncertainties which make them nervous about their career choices.
Should a career reflect their passions? Does pragmatism always have to involve going with the grain? What if they have to start their career all over again looking for newer possibilities in an evolving industry? In short, how do they make smart choices?
Some of the greatest advantages for millennials is their comfort with technologies and the seamless integration of their lifestyle into the digital landscape. However this does not mean every young person would or should want a career in technology (ie. programmers, digital marketing etc).
It always bodes well to take stock of where we are and what we want, especially while planning a career. It can set the wheels in motion for a wonderful fulfilling future or can it turn out to be a long and painful professional life.
Looking in the Mirror
When it comes to making the right career choices, maintaining clarity with your thoughts is vital. While some career choices might seem appealing on the surface, they may not be so great in the long run.
Choosing the right career begins with exploring your passion and instincts. Teens should discover their likes and dislikes and think about choosing career options that are aligned with their strengths. Whether you choose technology over arts or a trade over law, make sure you know where your interests lie. Moreover, you need to prep yourself to be mentally resilient and flexible. It’s extremely important for teens to learn how to cope with setbacks in their career journey
Research, Research, Research
The easiest accessible database is Google. One can research a host of career options covering a range of interests. Whether your career motivators are financial, social, artistic etc., there is no limit to the research data available for you. You can even go to job sites to see the wide array of opportunities available. There could be roles to never realized that existed that excite you.
It also pays to look ahead and see how industries and job markets are predicted to change in the future.
Reach out to people who work in the chosen area of interest and communicate with them over email, social media or LinkedIn. Reading up about notable personalities who have made it big or following their blog posts also help assess your career direction.
No online research can beat actual conversations with experienced people involved in industries or careers that interest you. Try to take every opportunity to speak to as many people as possible. And ask lots of questions about what they like/dislike about their jobs and what advice they can give a younger person planning a career in their field.
Start Building Career Skills Early On
As a teen, it’s really difficult to figure out your plans about your career. However, rather than fretting over what’s right or wrong, the best way to deal with this confusion is to do a couple of internships while you’re at school. This will give you ample scope to explore your strengths, likes and dislikes, which will eventually help you make the right career decisions. The good news is making mistakes in your internship won’t probably cost you a huge deal. Use the internship experience hone your skills that will stand in good stead moving forward.
It helps to develop healthy mentor-protege relationship. The mentor should calm your nerves when you are at the precipice of something new but also pick you up when you fall to hard. They are like a very wise human pros-and-cons checklist. They help in deconstructing your thoughts and provide strategies on how to move forward. People-pleasers are not great mentors. Seek those you can provide practical experience with unbiased advice for you.
Develop a Well-defined Career
Dreaming big is one thing but charting your career path is another. Many teens are instinctively ambitious but what they lack is the clarity about their career objectives.
Whether you want be a medical professional or astronaut, you should learn how to develop your career path accordingly. Gather as much information about your career goals as possible. Speak to industry professionals and practitioners and learn about the ground realities. Some career goals will require a decent academic performance throughout your high school and college degree. Be aware of the scores you need and the courses you need to complete to be better prepared for the competitive industry. The more you learn about your goals, the better are your chances of getting there.
Take Risks Early
No matter what your career options are, you need to develop a risk appetite for success. In the rapidly evolving world, it’s important to stay current with you career options and learn skills required to pursue your career goals. When you’re in your teens, it’s easier to take risks since you’re not really strapped with many responsibilities of a middle-age professional. As a parent, you need to encourage your teens to take calculated risks and extend support to help them through the journey.
You Can Change Your Mind
These days a typical working career can last approximately 40 years. That’s a long time.
Because it’s so long, you have time to start a job, learn what you like and dislike as you get more experience and then adjust your career plans accordingly. In fact this can be done several times over a working career.
Nowadays it’s practically impossible to come across anyone that ends their career with the same company and profession that started in their 20’s.
There has never been a time with more flexibility and options for change available to people in the workforce. This can take immense pressure off anyone starting to plan a career in their teens.
Understand the Meaning of Happiness
Remember that your career choices are ultimately the means to an end and not the end in themselves. Regardless of the career you pursue, it’s important to understand the meaning of motivation. There are many who make tons of money but are still unhappy with their life. While money is one key to leading a satisfying life, it doesn’t necessarily ensure an emotionally fulfilling life. If you’re in a job that continually stimulates and rewards with you then you are likely to lead a healthier and happier life. And that is the true measure of a successful career.
Echo Editor February 1st, 2019
The brain is rapidly developing in the teenage years.
We all want our kids to enjoy learning and to make the most of their education. We place value in ensuring they work hard, study for their tests do their homework to the best of their abilities and appreciate the educational opportunities they’ve been giving. A good education truly is a gift.
This sense of curiosity might be even more important than parents realize. Research has shown that curiosity impacts performance as much as hard work. When you’re curious about a subject and study up on it, you tend to retain that information for longer periods. It’s also associated with positive behaviours such as tolerance for uncertainty, humour and out-of-the-box thinking.
These are all skills associated with happiness, resilience, creativity and intellectual growth.
So how do we foster that sense of lifelong learning in kids? How do we ensure they grow up with a sense of curiosity that will motivate them to want to learn and explore throughout their entire lives? Here are a few tips:
Encourage your children to ask questions. If your child asks a question, don’t brush them off with a simple answer such as “I don’t know.” Don’t simply say “good question.” Go the extra step further and help them find the answer to the question they have asked.
Maybe it’s a matter of going to the library and finding a book that explains the topic. Maybe you can go online together and read the literature. Take them to a museum or help them interview someone who has the answer.
There are so many methods of learning and ways to find answers. What is your child’s preferred method? Maybe they are more hands-on. Maybe they enjoy learning by opening a book. Let them know how much you value their curiosity and reward them by helping them discover the answer. They will enjoy the journey and not hesitate to approach you the next time they are curious.
Talk to your child’s teacher. When you communicate with your son or daughter’s teacher either casually or during more formal parent-teacher interviews, ask if they have noticed whether there is anything in particular your child is curious about. What is their favourite subject? What style of learner are they? Do they seem particularly curious about anything? If not, perhaps they have suggestions for how you can stimulate a sense of wonder. Your teacher will know things about your child that you might not have noticed and their experience in the education field will give them valuable insight into your particular child.
Let your child’s teacher know how committed you are to being involved and in fostering an appreciation for lifelong learning in your child. You are a team dedicated to furthering your child’s education and you share the same goals. Don’t hesitate to speak openly to your child’s teachers about this topic.
Encourage your teen to do their homework well. If you step in and help your child right away, they might not have the opportunity to assess whether they understand the work. By helping, you deny giving them a chance to see how resourceful they are. You will also give them the chance to realize what questions their homework will spark. They might even discover they don’t understand the homework at all. You’ll want to make yourself available, of course, to answer questions or suggest ways in which they might find the answers.
If you’re stuck on how to facilitate the process, here are a few suggestions:
Ensure learning happens outside the classroom, too. As much as we prioritize in-class learning, there is so much to be discovered outside of the class as well. The best way to foster additional opportunities is to encourage your child to participate in extra-curricular activities. Perhaps they like sports, music or want to learn a language. Sign them up for a class at the local community centre or in the neighbourhood. If they discover they aren’t interested in that particular activity, try another. Don’t give up. Extra-curricular activities are a great way to make friends, expand their skills, get exercise and figure out what they are interested in and what they aren’t.
Stimulating that sense of curiosity is very important and there are so many ways in which you can help build this sense of wonder in your child. Once you light that spark, there will be no stopping your child in their quest for lifelong learning.
Echo Editor December 6th, 2018
Decades ago, when we thought of new trends in education, we would have perhaps moved between an inductive method to deductive, from instructional teaching to interactive learning.
Today, teaching has taken an e-turn where students want personalized learning methods and to reduce the dependency on teachers for instructions. Educators primarily play the role of mentors.
The dependence on digital technology by the youth of today can seem overwhelming to us. But we have to accept that these technologies are pushing the boundaries of learning and the way education is being delivered around the world.
For example, a recent survey by Research and Markets, “Artificial Intelligence Market in the US Education Sector 2017-2021”, predicts the use of AI in K12 and higher ed could grow 47.5 percent by 2021. Moreover, content is also available in varied formats, catering to diverse learning skills and dispositions.
We cannot expect students to be passive recipients of lessons in a classroom. It is healthy to encourage them to be an active participant in framing the curriculum, choosing the learning resources and the method of learning that aids their understanding.
Each method of learning has a corollary cognitive impact. For example, a Wikipedia entry might generate more interest in a topic more than a traditional textbook or encyclopedia. Some children retain information through listening, others find visual-aid like videos, paintings or diagrams more useful. As parents, we need to help our kids understand what works best for them but most importantly, helps them learn.
While a lesson using Augmented or Virtual Reality might seem a wholesome experience and most importantly convenient, it might restrict imagination; a vital component in critical thought. We need to play the parent in such cases.
While being well-grounded in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics) and technical fields is critical for young people who will compete for the jobs of the future, a well-rounded knowledge of the arts helps them contextualize their education. So make sure your child learns is exposed to the arts and humanities and not just much mathematics.
When choosing a school we need to keep in mind a few things.
Gone are the days when soft skills were considered a part of upbringing at home or emotional well-being a personal affair. We are faced with a new political environment where schools have a worldview and they need to lead the way in sensitizing children to accommodate their sensibilities to a cosmopolitan space. There are bound to be stress, anxiety, and schools should be equipped to handle those. Hence a successful school would also invest in students’ social-emotional learning (SEL).
We need to assess a school based on how inclusive it is. Not just in terms of physical infrastructure but also in teaching tools. AR and VR will not be the same for children who have problems with vision.
Incorporating basic tech methods to interact with students over email, text, Google Docs, will facilitate shared learning and flexibility to work from anywhere they are. This cloud comes with a silver lining! We need to make sure the teachers are prepared to give a chance to the children, to understand that some children might be good at grasping texts, others might be good at digital-visual content. We should engage with the teacher regarding the cognitive skills of children.
The Career Conundrum
It would be a good idea to train children with the specificities of the industry early in their career while staying prepared for contingencies. For example, it might be great to learn the law as a subject, but a child might not have the temperament or interest to invest themselves in the demands of corporate set up. One might be interested in being a great publisher some day. But they need to be aware of the drudgery of proofreading a manuscript over and over again. In short parents/mentors need to be able to give a clear picture of the actual work that goes into making a career.
In meantime, as children are exposed to different circumstances, goalposts shifts, new interests surface. As parents how prepared are we for that kind of challenge? It would be wise to leave scope for rearrangement of career plans. While a bit of research on programmes and tour of the university would be a good idea, in many schools and districts, the power IoT (Internet of Things) is already being harnessed for keeping track of people, and their activities. Keeping track of performance and harnessing data to assess aptitude towards career could be of great help.
How do we assess learning? We have to move beyond traditional parameters and employ newer metrics to assess learning. Its common sense that different people have different skills. Hence our standards of assessment should not be unfair in its basic tenets.
For example, Cheryl Morris, an English teacher at San Jose Middle School in the Novato Unified School District in suburban San Francisco, makes short videos of herself to discuss assigned texts. While a few students choose to watch Morris on video – either at home or in class – others prefer to read the texts themselves. Interestingly, by offering the flexibility to choose their preferred method of learning, Morris has been able to bring her students’ failure rate from 10-15% down to zero!
Thanks to these emerging trends in education, teachers are increasingly banking on online coursework and micro-credentials themselves to stay on top of rapidly evolving fields. According to a recent report by Blackboard, nearly forty percent of schools are now offering online professional development for their teachers, witnessing a two-fold increase in the figure available in 2013.
So our knowledge of new trends in education translates into actively participating in the process of schooling of our child. In the business of education, we are all stakeholders. The idea is to ensure holistic educational experience, assess challenges in reading, writing, comprehension or mathematics and always be on the lookout for fun-filled learning. Offering a slew of educational and interactive apps and games, companies like Kahoot! and Socrative have already made assessments more fun, affordable and accessible.
Big data is pushing boundaries in the business of education with more and more use of artificial intelligence to consolidate feedback as an additive factor to the understanding employed by the teacher or mentor.
Echo Editor October 29th, 2018
Tags: academic integrity, active kids, blended learning, cpclearns, crestwood, crestwood preparatory college, crestwoodprep, high school, internet of things, kids, private school in toronto, students, Toronto, trends
Communicating with teens is a tricky affair which requires a great deal of mutual understanding between teens and their parents. According to Debbie Pincus, a relationship coach and creator of the Calm Parent AM & PM™ program, teens and their parents are wired differently which makes communication a real challenge.
Due to the giant difference in their respective thought processes, parents should demonstrate empathy while communicating with their teens. However, in reality, many parents tend to push their kids, forcing them into a “zone” where they either erupt or completely tune them out. Unless parents follow a compassionate approach to talk to their teenagers, the communication gap widens, giving rise to mutual distrust and loss of respect.
So, here are a few tips for parents to consider while talking to their kids:
Many of the so-called “helicopter parents” tend to push their kids into behaving in certain ways without even realizing the consequences of their actions. In all probability, such actions can be counter-productive.
As parents, you should always remember to walk in your child’s shoes before expecting them to share your concerns. Once you speak to them as their friends would, they will open up and listen to your point of view.
In fact, sometimes the best thing you can do is let them speak. Don’t feel you need to solve every problem they have. Sometimes being a sounding board is the all they want from you so you should go with that.
Everything from your approach, your tone and your choice words can go a long way in setting up the foundation for successful discussions.
The Melbourne Child Psychology Services share a variety of research-driven techniques for parents to develop empathetic conversations with their male and female children.
As a parent, it’s hard learning the ways to effectively connect with your teen. But, believe it or not, it’s even harder being a teen. According to a study by the National Institute of Mental Health, the human brain develops very rapidly during adolescence, which explains their sudden bouts of temper, sadness and frustration.
The study also found that the surge in hormones affect both their body and their mind, making teens behave the way they do, leaving them emotionally vulnerable.
A 2014 survey by the American Psychological Association also found nearly 30% of the 1018 teens surveyed were feeling sad, overwhelmed and/or depressed.
When you try to speak to your teens, it’s critical to treat them as teens, and not as adults. Teens might respond inappropriately during your conversations. However, parents should learn how to take the emotion out of the whole exercise to avoid taking it personally. The more you understand your teens, the less you’re likely to make it about yourself.
Unlike adults, teens don’t come equipped with the ability to make better choices right away. As parents, you need to help them develop the right perspective as they encounter challenges in life. This will help them make better decisions as they grow.
You have been through a variety of conversations with your teens. The most difficult are when your kid is aggressive, impolite, and confrontational. It’s natural for many parents to respond to such situations aggressively. However, if you want to talk to your teens constructively, you need to learn the art of self-control and not giving in to your anger.
When your teen says something that pushes your buttons, you may need to choose to step away rather than engage in a verbal duel with them. Remember, you can’t always control how your kids behave but you can certainly control your own behavior.
According to WikiHow, here are a few of things to avoid while handling conflicts with teenagers.
1. Tell them it’s not worth fighting over: Use an empathetic voice to tell your kids you understand their perspective and there are better ways to handle the situation.
2. Don’t yell at them: When your kid has done something wrong, control your impulse to yell at them. Instead, talk to them calmly about the consequences of their action and how it can affect themselves and others.
3. Give them space: Often it’s better to allow the kids to calm down before you discuss a conflict or approach a resolution with them. Let the raw emotions die down and your kid become their normal self before you start talking.
Most adolescent kids believe their parents are unable to understand them and it’s better to keep quiet or defend themselves. However, it doesn’t have to be this way.
Communication is a two-way process. Even as parents try their best to empathize with their teens, the kids themselves have a role to play as well. With a little bit of cooperation and understanding, you can establish a cordial relationship with your folks and lead a conflict-free life. Here’s how:
At times, a small action such as patiently listening to your parents can help you understand their view points. However, teens that are increasingly skeptical of their parents’ opinions tend to avoid making any efforts appreciate their parents perspective. Sometimes, you both are on the same page, but all you need is pay a little more attention to your parents’ points and see if that’s something you can accommodate without making a huge compromise in your own point of view..
For example, if you want to stay over at your friend’s on the weekend, they are likely only worried about your safety. Instead of completely disregarding their POV, try to understand their concerns and help them become assured of your safety (i.e regular text check-ins).
Once you have developed the habit of listening to your parents, you are way ahead of most teens in terms of establishing rock-solid communication with them. However, it’s not done yet. If you understand what triggers their concerns about your choices, let them know you have thoroughly thought them through. Referring to the previous example, reassure your parents about your safety and whereabouts so they can reach out to you in case of an emergency. Such little (yet meaningful) actions can infuse mutual respect in your relationship with your folks and create a strong foundation for your interactions with them in the future.
While parents are not supposed to unfairly push their point of view on their teens, you should respect them for their opinions. For a healthy and positive relationship, you need to attempt listen to your parents without judging them. There’s no incentive for disrespecting parents that work hard to ensure your well being. You want to show them the respect you would want from them in return. Ridiculing their points of view won’t serve any purpose and ruin any chance of healthy interactions.
While working on resolving a conflict with your parents, always use the “I” statements and try to avoid the “you” statements. For example, instead of saying, “you have no idea about the challenges I’m facing…”, try to say, “I’m not sure if you’re aware of the challenges I’m facing”.
When you use the “you” statements, you’re putting the blame directly on your parents for any lack of understanding. With “I” statements, you can easily articulate your thoughts in a respectful manner, allowing a faster resolution of the conflict at hand.
While the tips above are a good starting point for both parents and teens, real-life situations can greatly vary, which requires parents to exercise their best judgment. However, no matter what, both parents and teens should restrain their emotions while resolving a conflict, without letting their ego derail the process.
With active listening and constructive interactions, parents can pave the way for their teens to make choices without jeopardizing everyone’s collective interests.
Echo Editor October 25th, 2018
Posted In: Uncategorised